Report by girl and property
We reveal the ten items you will need to know about this year’s Entire world Cup
Your footie information might be nil, but we’ve brought you our bluffer’s manual to this year’s largest sporting celebration, so settle onto your sofa, with your World Cup Feast in hand, and use our cheat’s manual to steer you by way of the World Cup minefield.1. The opposition players to look out for in England’s Group gamesUSA 12 JuneReason to observe: Landon Donovan. All-American hunk their prime scorer ever before with 42 ambitions.Algeria eighteen JuneReason to look at: midfielder Karim Ziani. Hothead with a distinctly Hitler-esque tache, but nevertheless a key hottie.Slovenia 23 JuneReason to watch: striker Zlatko Dedic. With his mouth shut, he could pass for Matt Damon.
two. Footballers and footie enthusiasts are quite superstitious Hold some wood helpful and if we beat the USA in the initial sport, put on the exact same undies for the next sport towards Algeria. Washed, of course. 3. Wayne Rooney may search like Shrek but he’s a demon goalscorerFifa named him, defender John Terry and midfielder Steven Gerrard in their Entire world Crew of the Yr. Sadly, they also named four of Spain’s gamers in their top XI…
four. Our boys to look out forSadly there’s no Becks, thanks to his Achilles damage, but maintain your eyes peeled for these boys instead:Wayne Rooney: Striker. Hope and pray that Rooooo-nnnaaaaaayyyyy recovers in time. England’s talisman has averaged a target a sport in qualifying. Steven Gerrard: Midfielder. Loyal, committed, scandal-no cost(ish). All-spherical genius with an unerring end. Massive heart, enormous pecs. Peter Crouch: Striker. If you like ’em tall (6ft 7), blond and er, not so handsome, then this is the striker for you. Amazing goalscoring report and bizarre 1980s robotic dance celebration. Frank Lampard: Midfielder. Does a similar job to Stevie G, but has course, stunning pecs and is nevertheless a key member of the England crew. Currently with Christine Blakely of One Show fame.John Terry/Ashley Cole: Talented? Yes, but let’s leave it there!
5. Argentina have the world’s best player22-12 months-old Barcelona striker Lionel Messi (aptly named, given his hair!)6. The only principles you want to knowEngland are never ever offside, the opposition should never ever have had a penalty, the ref should’ve gone to Specsavers.7. DO…Sing! The only ‘song’ you will need to know is ‘Ing-err-lunnnd, Ing-err-lunnnd, Ing-err-lunnd!’ which is actually quite easy as soon as you get the hang of it. Take your cue from others just before screaming: ‘That was never a totally free-kick, ‘ee in no way touched ‘im ref!’Shout: ‘Cheat!’ when Argentinian supervisor Maradona seems on Television. We nonetheless haven’t forgiven his ‘Hand of God’ goal against us in 1986.
8. Don’t…Say: ‘It’s only a game’ when we shed on penalties to Germany.Say, wistfully: ‘What a shame Becks isn’t playing.’ True, but unsayable.Shout: ‘Hoof!’ when we aimlessly lump the ball up the pitch. Only when the other aspect do it.
nine. England play in red and whiteYou can nevertheless retain your sense of fashion while showing assist for Our Boys. Red lippie, white T-shirt ought to do it, even though for bonus points you should drape the residence with England flags whilst squeezing by yourself into one particular of the shirts particularly ‘designed’ for ladies.ten. Most bookies have us as third favourites behind Spain and BrazilStick a fiver on. We’re going to win!
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